Hi guys. I just wanted to come on here and talk a little bit about what I've been up to and how I've been feeling during this quarantine.
So, as they have been for almost everyone, these past four months have been super hard for me. They've been great, in a lot of ways, but in others, I'm kind of struggling. To start off on a positive note, I got back with my boyfriend in April, and that has been super amazing for me. Going back to an old relationship after being single for a while has been an interesting transition, to say the least. There was the excitement and joy over being back with someone I clearly had deep feelings for, but then there was the fear of judgment from friends that was something that got to me. I've always been someone who internalizes how others feel about things, so it was hard opening up about something that's been so great for me, just because a few people maybe wouldn't see it as a great thing. And I can understand why of course; I know everyone has good intentions. I would like to say that this has obviously been the highlight of my quarantine, as I'm very happy being in what I consider a "new relationship" and getting to just spend time together.
On the other hand, my mental health has been something that I've had to cope with a lot recently. If you don't know me personally, then you wouldn't know that I have anxiety. It's something I've realized I had for a while now. Since I'm inside my house the majority of the time now, it's very easy to let my thoughts get the best of me and slip into an "anxious" state. I've been questioning a lot around me recently, constantly fearful of what I say and do and hope that I'm not pushing anyone away. Another thing I've noticed is that I've been getting frustrated over things more easily than I would have a few months ago, and that's something I'm trying to deal with. I can get into an unhealthy state of mind where I'm constantly upset and frustrated over things, whether they be big or small, and it majorly gets in the way of my own happiness. I'm trying very hard to avoid that, but it's been difficult recently.
I'm trying to stay grateful for everything that I do have, and focus on what's going right in my life instead of constantly focusing on what I'm upset or frustrated with. For one, I'm very lucky to be healthy right now, and that all my friends/family haven't been affected by the virus that's been going around. I've been able to stay at home, and my family hasn't had to struggle in any major way. I'm so grateful for that, even if I sometimes come off differently. I try to stay as distracted as I can. One thing I really love to do is read. I've been reading a lot of books on audio recently because I haven't been as interested in physically reading. I love listening to thriller books on audio because I am always so excited to get to the end; I love the "whodunit" theme in books. I've also been watching a lot of Netflix; I just finished the second season of Dead to Me which I highly recommend. I'm watching The Politician right now, and I'm on the second season.
To give you guys just a general update about this blog, I'm really hoping to start posting more. I don't like how I've been posting every two months. When I originally made this blog, I was hoping to post at least once a week, because I had so many ideas. But I've had such a lack of motivation to do anything I enjoy recently with my anxiety and this feeling of "sameness", by which I mean feeling like I'm tired of doing all the same things that I used to enjoy. I'm really going to try to start posting more, as there is so many topics I want to get into.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for listening to my little rant! Feel free to tell me how you've been doing or what you've been doing to distract yourself with during the quarantine in the comments. Hopefully I'll be writing to you guys again soon.
So, as they have been for almost everyone, these past four months have been super hard for me. They've been great, in a lot of ways, but in others, I'm kind of struggling. To start off on a positive note, I got back with my boyfriend in April, and that has been super amazing for me. Going back to an old relationship after being single for a while has been an interesting transition, to say the least. There was the excitement and joy over being back with someone I clearly had deep feelings for, but then there was the fear of judgment from friends that was something that got to me. I've always been someone who internalizes how others feel about things, so it was hard opening up about something that's been so great for me, just because a few people maybe wouldn't see it as a great thing. And I can understand why of course; I know everyone has good intentions. I would like to say that this has obviously been the highlight of my quarantine, as I'm very happy being in what I consider a "new relationship" and getting to just spend time together.
On the other hand, my mental health has been something that I've had to cope with a lot recently. If you don't know me personally, then you wouldn't know that I have anxiety. It's something I've realized I had for a while now. Since I'm inside my house the majority of the time now, it's very easy to let my thoughts get the best of me and slip into an "anxious" state. I've been questioning a lot around me recently, constantly fearful of what I say and do and hope that I'm not pushing anyone away. Another thing I've noticed is that I've been getting frustrated over things more easily than I would have a few months ago, and that's something I'm trying to deal with. I can get into an unhealthy state of mind where I'm constantly upset and frustrated over things, whether they be big or small, and it majorly gets in the way of my own happiness. I'm trying very hard to avoid that, but it's been difficult recently.
I'm trying to stay grateful for everything that I do have, and focus on what's going right in my life instead of constantly focusing on what I'm upset or frustrated with. For one, I'm very lucky to be healthy right now, and that all my friends/family haven't been affected by the virus that's been going around. I've been able to stay at home, and my family hasn't had to struggle in any major way. I'm so grateful for that, even if I sometimes come off differently. I try to stay as distracted as I can. One thing I really love to do is read. I've been reading a lot of books on audio recently because I haven't been as interested in physically reading. I love listening to thriller books on audio because I am always so excited to get to the end; I love the "whodunit" theme in books. I've also been watching a lot of Netflix; I just finished the second season of Dead to Me which I highly recommend. I'm watching The Politician right now, and I'm on the second season.
To give you guys just a general update about this blog, I'm really hoping to start posting more. I don't like how I've been posting every two months. When I originally made this blog, I was hoping to post at least once a week, because I had so many ideas. But I've had such a lack of motivation to do anything I enjoy recently with my anxiety and this feeling of "sameness", by which I mean feeling like I'm tired of doing all the same things that I used to enjoy. I'm really going to try to start posting more, as there is so many topics I want to get into.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for listening to my little rant! Feel free to tell me how you've been doing or what you've been doing to distract yourself with during the quarantine in the comments. Hopefully I'll be writing to you guys again soon.
Yes Eva!!! Def post more if you feel up to it!! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment! Hopefully I can start posting more soon:)
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